DANCEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Adam Lambert

2010-11-14T11:18:00.002+08:00

The holidays are here, at long last. But I'm not feeling any happier. I don't know why, everything's over before I even know what's going on. Maybe I just hate it when I don't know what's going to happen next. Gahh. And I'm possibly quitting ballet. Don't ask

me why. Maybe its just hormonal imbalance or something:/ And I thought I'd left all those feelings of insecurity locked in the

past. I guess history will always catch u with you, or its just fate playing with you. I know it seems totally melodramatic, cos

there's like really nothing that I can be sad about.

Yeah, I suck at dance. Don't need to hide the fact. And I'm fat, it's true. I'm not getting anywhere. I'm getting dumber. I'm lost, lost, lost. Fag. What's wrong with me? I'm sick and tired of myself. The inability to do anything right. For not being recognized for doing everything around the house. Day after day, exams, holidays, sickness, tears, this all ain't never good enough excuses. Whatever, it's all my fault. And what can I do? Sit down and cry?

I can't make it through the rain. Yeah, jiang jun isn't unbeatable. Please don't break me

2010-11-11T23:09:00.000+08:00

Maybe - Jay Sean

Beep Beep! oh look now there goes my phone
And once again im just hopin it's a text from you..hmm..
It aint right read ya messages twice, thrice
Four times a night its true
Everyday I patiently wait
Feelin like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
As knowing I wasn't waiting in vain..

[Chorus:]
maybe its true
I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too
maybe i'm wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said

[Verse 2:]
I'm always connected online
Hooked on facebook all the time
Hopin you've Checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,
You play it cool but,
see I'm hopelessly fallin for you,
Every night on the phone and I flirt with you..
and I know that you like it girl
All jokin aside,
What say you and I
Come out and say what we're trying to hide..

[Chorus:]
maybe its true
I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too
maybe im wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said

[Bridge:]
Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Baby I miss you,
I'm thinking of you [x2]

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus:]
maybe its true (OH)
I'm caught up on you (maybe, yeah)
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too (Stuck on me too)
maybe i'm wrong (Hey baby, yeah..)
It's all in my head.. (OH NO)
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
(both haven't said)

Maybe Its True I'm Caught Up On You
Maybe There's A Chance that You're Stuck On Me Too
Maybe I'm Wrong, It's All In My Head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said

[Outro]
Maybe it's true..(Baby I Miss You)
I'm caught up on you (Look I Want You)
Maybe I am wrong
Baby I miss you...

Thankyou jingling belles(:

2010-11-10T22:06:00.002+08:00

ma de. 333th post. then just now 333 sent messages-.- scary

anyway, just wanted to tell you to grow up soon

2010-11-09T16:06:00.002+08:00

Chinese my mama. Why am I here you ask me, when I'm supposed to be studying for O lvl chinese which is less than 24 hours away. And its not like I'm a prc scholar who can close both eyes and get an A1. No.

Whatever, I'm giving up. this is crap. in the middle of all the holidays. -.- can't improve my standards in a day. Just gonna ado my best tmr and hope for the best too

2010-11-07T21:57:00.001+08:00

oh god~ what the fagggg

2010-10-28T18:30:00.001+08:00

MUTTONS WAVED AT ME!!~
and of course the polite me waved back(: awesome!

2010-10-25T21:09:00.002+08:00

I feel screwed. My weight gain is an exponential graph): the point is I can't really stop eating. Or control myself, for that matter. fat.
Back's damn pain for some reason. Been one week and it hasnt gotten better. which means I can't do anything. no flipping. the feeling sucks when you're dying to do something and you can't. all you can do is stare at people doing it. tired. i guess i should get to doing some work. to hell with o lvl chinese

Que sera, sera

2010-10-20T21:38:00.002+08:00

20102010

Nice song but I don't know where's it from

I'm usually guarded by the castle
But, I built around my heart
And so I wear this armor to protect me
So I'll never fall apart
You taking all the woes up, built up the towns
You somehow came and turn my world around
I got no resistance

[Chorus] It feels like I'm falling
Feels like I'm falling
Feels like I'm falling
Into you
Feels like I'm falling
Feels like I'm falling
Feels like I'm falling
Into you

It's not me at all
unlikely to fall
It's just something about you, nah
It feels like I'm falling
Feels like I'm falling
Feels like I'm falling
Into you]

You show me how good it feels to let go
And believe in hope again
When I'm by your side its feels like thats home
And I breathe to float again
You've taken me so high, I can't come down
It's been forever since I feel the ground
I got no resistance

CHORUS

My heart can't break again
Too much that there won't ever mend
And when if starts to fade
Don't walk away, Don't leave and then
I can't take one more goodbye
Cus I got no more tears to cry

CHORUS

Falling, Falling,
Falling, Falling,
Falling, Falling
Into You
Falling, Falling,
Falling, Falling,
Falling, Falling
Into You

It's not me at all
unlikely to fall
It's just something about you, nah
It feels like I'm falling
Feels like I'm falling

really.
must you cry all the time?-.-

2010-10-18T23:33:00.002+08:00

Lies upon lies
This world
Nothing more than a complete farce

And yeah, I still do miss you. Antidote for the heart, anyone?

2010-10-18T23:31:00.001+08:00

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

2010-10-05T19:56:00.000+08:00

FUCK YOU.

2010-10-04T23:07:00.002+08:00

asshole. i hate you. why can't you be a little bit more understanding like all the other parents in the newspapers, they take fucking leave to accompany their children on exam days. not that i would want it though, cos all it'll mean is that i have to do more housework, wait on you hand and foot all day long. i suppose that's your idea of how children should be treated, right? i've had enough. i want to stop this crap. tmr's the exams okay? please just FUCKING leave me alone for awhile. why cant you understand that i NEED to study? i know results isnt that high on your list but still. even if you dont want it, I want it, okay. i want my results. can you please leave me in peace for a few moments? look, ss is a fucking compulsory subject. even if i chose the subject combi myself, i would have to take it. and the only reason why i chose it myself was cos you couldn't give a damn in the first place, so shut the fuck up okay. i've had had enough. day in day out. what do you think i am? yes not who, what. humans cant multitask that much. gimme a break, okay? cut me some slack. i'm no superhuman. get off my back. stop asking me to do fucking unimportant stuff like sweeping the fucking clean floor or hanging up the damned clothes. I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN. I HAVE EXAMS TOMORROW. WHY CANT YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND.
i really really want to slap you or something. you're the best, man.really the very very fucking best!

2010-09-28T20:19:00.000+08:00

‎... And you begin to accept
your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an
adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads
on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a
while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant
... your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for
someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure…
that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.
-Veronica A. Shoffstall.
Jiayou Hammy, I hope you'll stay strong and don't give up. You'll find yourself again, and I'm always here for you. ♥ Get some sleep tonight, like what you've always told me. Sleep! It's the best way to forget all troubles. (: Jiayouuuuu, I love you.

THANKS JINGLIN DARL, I LOVE YOU(:

2010-09-27T23:21:00.002+08:00

I know I ain't supposed to, but I'm way past how I'm supposed to act, what I'm supposed to do, Who I'm supposed to be. Because you can't control me like that. Who give's a damn about the fucking guilt you inch upon me, so that I'll do as you please? After awhile, even the most horrible torture becomes bearable if you go through it long enough. And you know what? That it. The last straw. I don't really care what would happen when I'm gone. I don't care if you miss me or regret treating me this way or whatever. I DONT FUCKING CARE. I HATE YOU. i hate to say this, but I'm so sorry, its true. You forced me. Now shut up before I explode. and along with it your head will go too. I swear. FUCKING STOP IT.thanks for being my mom. thanks for caring so. thanks, but no thanks. really. why? i don't get it. other moms are so nice. why must i get you? talk about gen Y being weak. Yeah thanks for making me strong. FUCKING THANKS BUT NO THANKS i wish you cared. really i wish to be normal. i wish i could be nice. i wish you would love me, as much as you love him. i wish you would stop blaming me for everything. what do you want me to do?? i'm not your magical filial daughter who waits on you all day, everyday, cooks washes and cleans, so dont expect me to turn into one tmr. yeah i',m not perfect, never will be, but, hey, guess what, youaren't, too! so fuck the world, feed it beans, its gassed up.

damn. its so hard. and i'm done. goodbye

Everytime

2010-09-23T20:16:00.004+08:00

I can feel the distance
As we grow miles apart
I know I ain't responsible
At least not completely
Cuz it takes two hands to clap
And your palm outgrows mine

Everytime- Britney Spears

Notice me,
take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me 
Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby 
I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done You seem to move on easy 
And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby 
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry 
At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away 
And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I dreamed a dream

2010-09-22T20:36:00.002+08:00

Last night
I saw you in my dreams
Very much real, you were
More than air
I thought I'd forgotten
So long that time blurred
But I saw your face
Your smile that lights up
I could reach out to touch you
I missed the chance again
A dream it remains when I wake
And to the comfort of the pillow I turn to and weep
Regrets and a dream
Nothing more

2010-09-22T20:27:00.002+08:00

I know
Razor blades cannot replace tears
Blood never solves problems
But it is
Pain
Pain relief

One Month

2010-09-14T21:59:00.002+08:00

122009

Practices started, but nobody knew what exactly was in store for us. Just another dance. Next year seemed so far away.

030610

June holidays. Practice at school

040610

Practice at school.

230610

June holdays. First practice at Mandai Hill Camp.

240610

Mandai Hill Camp. Rain.

250610

Mandai Hill Camp

Sec3s returned from the integrated trip to Malaysia.

170710

First practice at platform

220710

CCR2

240710

CR2

290710

CCR3

One year and one month since AYG, the Asian ‘YOG’

The day we got our costumes. The shrieks of horror when the girls saw the huge flowers and when the guys saw the green balls attached to theirs.

300710

CR3

July has gone. The day draws near.

Refreshments we’ve got it all: coke, cookies, kaya bread, mamee noodle snacks.

040810

10 days to actual. So near, yet so far. The truth has sunk in; it’s the world we will be showing.

050810

CCR4

Last CCR. Scared and excited.

070810

Practice. Everyone’s tired. YOG and all, life does o on. Tests and homework does not come to a standstill. Waking up for school the next day is torture, but a art of us secretly enjoy it. We do have something to talk about in class.

110810

CR5, otherwise known as preview.

It’s the last time before the actual.

Last practice

14082010

ACTUAL. YOG OPENING CEREMONY.

Happy. Scared. Excited. Anxious. Exhilarated. What can I say? Words can never describe the feeling we had, walking down the bridge to standby position.

Running across the pool of water to get to the black staircase.

Kneeling down, praying hard

For everything to go smoothly, whispering all the best to everyone around.

Looking at the six big screens behind us playing videos form the chapter SOS

Watching the row of signalers holding flags, signing SOS,SOS, SOS…

Waiting for our music.

Running onto the floating platform, the Singapore skyline behind us

Showing the world

Making history

Creating memories

Dancing

To our hearts content

And I know, the memories we will keep in our hearts forever and ever

2010-09-08T00:29:00.001+08:00

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost

2010-09-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

I have no horror of death
God's will be done
-Charlotte Bronte

Imma stand up like a soldier

2010-09-04T00:00:00.003+08:00

._.
-.-
:/
The i-don't-know-anyhting feeling is back again. Song on repeat-come back to me by utada
Used to think I had no more tears. At least, thats what I thought. Maybe life's the same for everyone. Different names, but same kind of characters, no? And you yourself is a different character in everyone else's life.
The winner. The loser. The forgiver. The nice person. The irritating person. etc. Ah life.

bored. holidays never feel like holidays in secondary school, do they? still remembered when I was back in pri school, I hated holidays. Yeah, I loved school to that extent. Kinda unbelieable now that everyone can't wait forweekends and holidays, or simply for school to be over. Even for me, the absolute refusal to go home in the past has given way to sleep cravings. oh well.
Everything's been a blur. secthree. chingay. common tests. midyears. Class stuff. mohamogallana. mandai practices. floating platform. 14082010. YOG. commons2. TDD. next up: EOYS. extended curriculum. chinese olevels. where has the time for admiring the flowers gone to?
No inspiratio to write. Nothing. freakin lost.
what can you come up with when you can't even explain your feelings? better still, you don't even know what ou feel like. Pei asked me recently, what my wish was. oh gawd. came up with some crappy answer, cos i don't know what i want. why not, you ask. If i knew, would i feel like this?
i wish i knew.

How am I supposed to react? Tell me the truth

Gone too soon

2010-08-29T00:10:00.002+08:00

Its over; I'll never see your face again
Hear your voice again
I'll just live with this regret
And have no one else to blame but myself
I always wait till its too late
Linger a fraction too long
And I let myself be contented with regrets
Drown in thoughts; worthless as they are
And wish and wish and wish
But it is what it is - a wish
Wishes don't come true
/.

I hate school. Or maybe just the lessons. The subject I can take, but why do you always have to make thigns so difficult or me?I know, I'm not a mugger like your favourites in class, but you could be less... harsh? I don't know. Why? Everytime I decide to pull up my socks and do something, for me, for you, you just have to pile shit all over my motivated mood. Thanks, really. I don't know what to say. What do you want? I'm trying, but you have to give me a grace period. I'm no superhuman.
/.

Stop saying you're a nobody. If you're a noody then I don't think I deserve to exist
I'm fat. Ugly. A failure. You're so much better than me.
/.

I don't get life. Not anymore. Gone were the days where right was right and wrong was wrong. Or even earlier where there was seemingly no wrong. Everything now is wrong. Whatever I do. Or not do. I don't know why I bother. It isn't even about me alone. I could sit in a corner and not give a damn. But I did. for everyone. And its not like I'm not hurting too. Why can't you just grow up sometime? I could sit back, relax, and watch it all fail. I could, but couldn't bring myself to. I can't stand to see laoshi disappointed. Yeah I know its just us, but do you even know the reason behind this? Do you care about anything else other than yourself? Maybe its just me. Maybe I'm mean. Yeah I know, I am. I"m not blind. maybe you are. But I don't really care. I hope you know. I hope we won't regret. Hope.
/.

If only you knew beyond critism.
I need a break, thank you very much. I need time to breathe too, I'm human just like you, if you've forgotten. Maybe you think otherwise but I really hope you realise soon. Maybe I'm to blame. Maybe I don't know how to mange my time. Afterall, everyone else can, so why can't I? Maybe I'm just a weakling who fails.
/.
Just when I thought I'm going to get better, things come and run me over. Not once, not twice. I don't know, I don't want to be bothered by anything anymore. If life wants to run me down, I wish it'll kill me straight and not leavi me lying on the road, staring at the blood, waiting. waiting. waiting for wishes to come true

Same Differences

2010-08-23T22:34:00.002+08:00

A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion
A new day has...come
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Through the darkness and good times I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush, love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come
Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

Hush, love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come
A new day has...come
Ohhh, a light...

Ps I love Viktoria Komova!!!(: *inspired~*

):

2010-08-15T01:24:00.002+08:00

14082010

emotional roller coaster.

oh man under the helix bridge i simply don'y know what got into me. the horror when I just couldn't do it. Just felt so stupid. thanks pei, nicholas, and yuwen! (:

after that wasa mad rush to fix pei's lightings:o that was scary.

anyway, it was over soon. too soon. is it me or is it human nature to want more? the lights the smiles the music the fireworks the dancers the audience. A successful YOG.

k if you want to know more read other people's blogs, or go find pictres. they speak more, and i'm half dead. might or might not continue.

NHDS once again! YOG FTW!

14082010

2010-08-13T23:29:00.003+08:00

I'm scared. I'm freakin afraid that I will screw up tmr. Finally I fel the jitters but no its not a good thing. I've rolled on te floor enough times to know that falling is a real threat. shitshitshitshitttttttttttt. no i will not screw anything up. it will be fine. fine fine fine
The most anticipated day this year. now i dread it. because once its here, it will be over. all the times. all the memories. all the sweat and grit and laughter and tears. flashbacks from the very beginning to tomorrow.
all too soon we'll be on the bridge, on standby to run out for the world.
Singapore we will be representing, and to the world we will how
I believe that everyone of us can do it, so YOG HERE WE COME!! (:
all the best to everyone on stage!
i love you, nhds
a few more minutes to 14august

2010-08-10T21:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wish the person under the car was me.
Sometimes I wonder why I am still here, breathing the oxygen. drinking water that is so precious to someone on the other side of the world.
Sometimes I don't know why I have not ceased to exist
Sometimes when there are no answers you think pain can make yo forget
Sometimes even after the tears have dried, the blood has caked, you still don't know why.
Sometimes you just don't know what to else to do.
Sometimes, the scars might heal, and sometimes they don't
Sometimes its better to hide
Sometimes its best I dis appear

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!

2010-08-10T14:39:00.002+08:00

Our tiny nation is 45 now. Gosh. Such a long time has passed since those days where (okay i read those in textbooks) tere were riots and fights. Now we're this first world country. I feel so proud of Singapore.yeah, despite the rules and great education system, you know you love your home, don't you?

the atmosphere at the padang was awesome, everyone was waving their flags crazily. the whole parade just instiled the sense of pride and belonging in you all over again. saw solo's flips and connie's awesome awesome awesome qianfans. others were under the lions so sadly i couldn't see them. fireworks and songs will never be a letdown, and one thing camera cannot capture is the beauty of fireworks. you simply HAVE to see it live, or else the fun is halved. this wondrful night is credited to huisi, cause without her there would be no tickets and nonothing. thanks!(:

I NEED TO STUDYYYYYY!!!! ))):

SOMEOME MAKE ME STUDY!!

WHY CAN'T TOUCH MY BOOKS? i also need to stop eating so much. imma turn into a fat pig soon

8 days

2010-08-07T00:36:00.003+08:00

When all I wanted for was your embrace

The wind came and brushed past me

Frosty like the icy blue scarf

You left behind

time's running out. YOG's gonna be over before it has really began.

missing 3 and 4 june practices. feeling extremely guilty.

the times at mandai hill camp. people with zero initiative.

going through two days with 9 sec threes

together on the third day

more mhc practices

skipping classes, failing tests

never handing in homework

sick

washing dance tee day after day

floating platform, F1 pit

tired. bored. irritated. angry

getting black shoes

CCRs, CRs

getting costumes

its all going to be over, and I'm not ready for it. i don't know, i haven't have had enough yet. it has not started. not like that.

its all gone wrong, what happened? where is the spirit i live for? its enough that things in hellhole are going fro bad to worse. not at school too? lost. whatever. faggots, all of them. i have had enough.

DISAPPEAR

street dance was awesomeeeeeee(: be jealous if you didn't go because it was awesome and anyone who doesn't watch it will miss out on the most innovative choreographies i have ever seen. street and ballet. we should do that.

a week. A FREAKING WEEK IS ALL WE HAVE LEFT TO YOG. someone do something! nine days to cts. fag. i hate secthree life

2010-07-28T00:05:00.002+08:00

Coughing to death. Worst thing is that it only happens at night, so i can't cough freely least people hear me. ._. nevermind about that.

I currently hate school. unfinished homework. failed tests. So tell me, what do i do? blaming my stupidity is not going to improve situations,

nor does procrastinating nor does lack of self discipline. sadly that is what i do. -.- getting pissed at anyone won't help either, but sometimes you can't help but want to shout in certain irritant's face, no? sorry if i'm temperamental. thats just my brain cells getting entangled by the insoluble fibrin threads. sorry, i've got a bio test on thursday so don't mind me. yeah. and what was the cause of the production of heparin? the workload being unceremoniously dumped upon my head, no less. sad life, but you've got to live it. well, at least until i one day disappear. maybe then the world would be a better place. one less person to take in oxygen. one less source of carbon dioxide and a whole lot of non environmentally friendly waste if i am alive. which, of course, sad to admit, i still am. here, i mean. wtv.

anw, yog! realise time's running fast, too fast for my liking): its going to be over, before it has started. shall start treasuring the times even more. i swear i'll fill as much detail as possible in my mind. i'll write a diary or something. MAYBE. anyway, thats the gist. pictures! that would be great. a thousand words in one. maybe the sound too, and the smells. and the feel.

okay have to stop this nonsense. fpsp tmr. suckass. i want my dance!! ): stupid school. can't they arrange it on another day? what is so hard about that?-.-

dead.

and yes, i know

you won't remember

nor notice my

missing presence but

thats okay. its perfectly

fine

don't you worry

2010-07-25T21:34:00.002+08:00

Maybe life is destined. Who's to say no? You have the answers?

Then again, who's to say yes?

Maybe I shouldn't complain so. There are abusive parents around the world. I've read enough books to know well enough. Still.

The greed of human nature.

Sorrows and frustrations it causes.

We know no ends. Is it a good or a bad thing, to want so much?

Maybe, to just want to be the same as others?

It's cause we live in the same environment, is it not? So its fairly normal that I look around and compare people's life to mine. Fine. With freedom comes a price.

I find my fee ironic: a slave to be free. Indeed.

Maybe I could be better off if i disappeared off.

slowly. they wouldn't realise. they wouldn't, i know. nobody would. i'm off caring about whether people care or not because the fact is that they don't so yeah.

how to be off food? how did they manage?

at sixbillionsecrets i cry at their stories because its true because there are people out there alone. what am i talking about?

shutupshutupshutuppppppp

maybethetearsareasignthati'mdone.donefortoday.thereisalimitafterall.i'mnoone'smaid.notyourslave.sothere.goodnight.

itsjusthomeworkanddanceandmetime.metimeisimportant.

if i

disappeared

would you

know?

A Story has Begun

2010-07-11T23:14:00.003+08:00

Lost.

我应该从那里开始呢？这个世界好大，好大，我感到很孤独，很寂寞。你能不能来救救我？

什么是心情？你怎么知道你几时开始心碎？

在这个广大及寂寞的世界，大家都在注视着你。我该怎么办才好呢？从那里开始？

感觉上在这个地方，除了问号，还是问好。你愿意回答我所有的问题吗？能不能把我抱在怀里，告诉我一切没有改变，不管发生什么事你都会在我身边。

你会是谁？

你存在吗？

你能不能回答我？

算了.

its back to the blood.

tell them i was happy

and my heart is broken

all my scars are broken

tell them

all i hope would be impossible

impossible

where do you start? when all that you get is failure after failure?

jump

2010-07-07T22:08:00.002+08:00

”然而他们故意把自己的心隐藏起来，隐藏在笑容里，隐藏在愉快的谈话里。他们宁愿自己同时在脸上笑，在心里哭，却不愿意在这时候看见所爱的人流下一滴眼泪。
他知道，她也知道。“

难道我欠你的吗？欠了什么，我很想知道。真感谢您这些年来对我的付出。

”我的心是没有人会理解的。“

I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will. - Jane Eyre

2010-07-06T20:44:00.001+08:00

"What do you want to be when you grow up, Mouse?"

I shrug. "I don't know." Because how can I say that I don't want to be anything, except alive, and loved?

-Waiting for her, Amina Henry

Don't cry, baby

2010-07-01T19:46:00.000+08:00

Shush,

The leaves fall

Silent as tears

Lost in no direction

Wishing will not bring back memories

2010-06-29T21:53:00.002+08:00

29062010

A year has passed. So much has changed, yet it all remains the same.

This time one year ago.

we were on a high.

A high hard to imagine, you see

As the dance had ended.

A milestone

Complete

Perspiration and tears

What difference did it make?

Hot and salty and sticky, all

Blended into one like

Us dancers

12 hours and one year ago

We left our classes

Excitement, happiness, nervousness

Streaking through our hearts

Makeup to be ruined

Costumes to be drenched

Hair up

Neat as a pin.

5+ hours and one year ago

We ate dinner

The cold carpeted corridors

The wind sneaking into our jacket

As we hugged ourselves

And ran around

2hours and one year ago

We stood outside the stage

The only barricade

The thick and black double curtains

Last stretches

Last well wishes

Last pre show cheers

Last call to keep quiet because people were recording

Last call to the toilet

Last prayer

For everyone, for ourselves

And the double curtains swung open

A silver ball high up

And mirrored lights

Quivering around the enclosed arena

We ran

And showed them

Showed ourselves

The energy charges

The shouts that

Reverberated through the audience

It was for us

For everyone

For the love of dance

Laoshi

Finale

Mascara lined cheeks

Smiling through tears

But no regrets, no regrets

Do feelings have inertia?

They carry back

To this day

One year ago

One year passes

Too fast, too fast

way too fast

Things change, things change

But still the same

Iloveyou dancers

Gosh feel like crying now. I doubt anyone read the whole thing. Too wordy for most(:

29062009. The then nhds

2010-06-26T21:20:00.002+08:00

I wished I never said yes. Now I cannot do it.

Now I know. At best, a failure

2010-06-22T01:44:00.002+08:00

300th post.

忍

I will be nice. I will show you. I will not cry.

An illusion, A mistake

2010-06-18T00:22:00.001+08:00

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the skyline
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal's worse
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the skyline
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible!
Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the skyline
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

Hindsight. Insight. Foresight

2010-06-16T23:25:00.002+08:00

SHIT I FORGOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY):

oh yes. I"m getting dumber. there's more but pathetic memory does not allow me to convey my messages across as words.

maybe next time, when... never mind

2010-06-15T18:54:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHENG HOI LAI KELLY!

"So what position do you hold?"

"Nothing"

"Then why are you here?"

Just proves that i shouldn't have gone, like i predicted.

Why do some get the best of both worlds and leave the ones that bring them to fame behind? - unknown

2010-06-09T22:11:00.002+08:00

Hmm I clicked new post thinking that since I haven't posted for such a long time and so many events have taken place, I should really go blog.

And I end up stoning at the screen for five minutes. -.- Writers block or lazines? i take the latter

-10 minute stone-

forget it. pictures speak a thousand words. go to fb and look at my life if you're interested.

bye(:

Magnet for failure

2010-05-26T22:59:00.002+08:00

Yes I am not getting any smarter.
My brain cells are dying
I'm pretty sure of that.
What you can do to help is
Stop talking.
Stop nagging
It's driving me crazy
Ringing reverberating
Bouncing around in my head.
Cannonballs shooting around.
Bounce bounce bounce
Its not getting out.
Bounce bounce bounce
Truth's the truth
Facts cannot be changed
Bounce
Without friction and gravity
The ball will
Bounce bounce bounce
What happens when
Bounce bounce bounce
One day I lay still

2010-05-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY

I LOVE YOU PEOPLE:)

Bounce

2010-05-15T15:07:00.003+08:00

"When I was little, I spent all my birhtday wishes on the same thing: a mother. Also pennies in the fountain. And grey-headed dandelions. Stars. Turkey wishbones. Loose eyelashes. I would close my eyes tight, like the rules say, and whenever someone asked, What did you wish for, Ev? i would keep my mouth shut. Because, if you tell, it won't come true.

The trouble with wishing is you get your hopes up every time. You really believe it will happen, and the, when it doesn't, you're depressed PLus you have wasted your wish on a long shot when maybe if you had just asked for something reasonable like an A on the vocab quiz, the wish fairies would have said, Okay, let's give her this one."

-Bounce, Natasha's friend

When things aren't going your way, Bounce

The ball will come back. Reflect.

But what I want to know is whether bad luck will reflect back.

What does not kill makes me stronger

2010-05-10T15:54:00.002+08:00

Faggotty piss-me-offs
whatever. Go on and act as if you own me. Continue accusing me. Happy throwing insults at me.
I hope you die. Seriously. What do I stand if I fight back. Right now, it will be my fault. Suit yourself. If you want to think that way, go ahead. I'll only laugh when one day I leave, I turn around and see you sitting there, alone and helpless. Let's see of how much importance I am to you then. Let's see if you can live without me. Let's see if you would want to take back all the mean things you said about me, to me. Let's see if its true, that you only miss something when it's gone.
But let me give you a gentle reminder. when you're feeling all this, I am NOT going to come back. I promise. Go on, happy insulting(:

By the way, thanks for making me say all those mean things (which i refuse to take back since its true).

I believe i am getting dumber by the day as a result of all this unnecessary irritations. Just wasting my time

Fresh wounds

2010-05-05T20:30:00.004+08:00

The blood that flows out is like the frustrations leaving you, drop by drop. The scars do not scare me; they serve as a remembrance. With blood, one is assured life. of strangers

Don't Belong

2010-05-04T22:44:00.002+08:00

New supply of barcode scanners (:

Time to mug):

still dont want to go tw. suckstothecore

2010-04-30T21:53:00.002+08:00

CONGRATS TO THE EXCO(:

I don't think i should go to taiwan. I'm pretty sure of that. I don't deserve it, no matter what bullshit you ppl feed me. I"M NOT DUMB

When the light doesn't appear, what will you do?

2010-04-09T23:59:00.003+08:00

Horrid.

One week anniversary of my stupid bruise at my heel. Can you, like, hurry up and recover so that I can 1)walk properly 2)dance 3)take part in pe. you suck. really.

Why on earth I'm talking to a brainless and uncooperative bruise, I don't know.

Going crazy, thats why.

I'm afraid. I'm frustrated. To hell with the bag of fats.

to be continued in my LJ. shall not commit cyber bullying here. I'm nice, even if you don't deserve it.

Underground

2010-04-07T22:29:00.002+08:00

The power of language cannot describe the unhappy mix of fear, anger, frustration and tears.

Message to LTA( I know this come a little late but I keep forgetting) : Don't take away the cross country buses!! Nooooooo.

Staring out of the misty windows

At the foggy blur of life passing by

As the constant cold air blows out

Through the air-con hole

Occasionally stuck with a piece of tissue

Dries my tired eyes,

Messes my untamed fringe

Earpiece stuck in my ear

Backdrop of distant voices

Turns into calming music

At the touch of a button

Book in my lap

But my mind has other ideas

Regular swaying of the vehicle

With comfortably warm seats

Lures me to the world of dreams

Brake, slow down, halt.

Door closes, jerked forward, onto

The busy roads again.

argh. ask you to help buy me dinner. you come back with some crap food that I'd rather go hungry than eat. Help you without a word of complaint, now you take me for granted. THANKS. REALLY.

Hobble hobble

2010-04-04T23:01:00.003+08:00

Hello space out here.

Realized every time I said I'm not gonna update, I do update:x

Okay, so I'm here to blog about a few main things that happened.

1)VIOLATEDdammit stupid man. if i ever see you again I'm so gonna kick you there and see how you die

2)HOBBLE HOBBLE HOBBLE LIMP LIMP LIMP:(

never ever gonna play with my neighbours again. Damn, especially the feeling when you see everyone doing stunts and you can only sit at the side and stare at them with pathetic puppy eyes:( worse still when you can't even walk properly. That's when you realise how important each and every part of your feet is for dance.

Upright coffin(random thing I thought of while in the cupboard)

Sitting in the dark

Trying not to breathe

My toes are cramping up

Leans back against a

Backdrop of clothes

Thin shaft of light

Filters through

Tries to sleep

Head on palm

Knees to chest

Blurry eyes

Tingly toes

No feeling

In my arms

Stiff Knees

And up I get

Unstable on my feet

Arms flail to grab at

The air

One step

Two steps

Refreshing air feels so good

Against clammy cheeks

okay. agree with me that the last two lines sucks. Ran out of things to say lol.

The end:)

If you want a little more, if you need a little less

2010-04-03T19:05:00.007+08:00

And now I present to you the long awaited...

POST!!! :D

Okay lame. At least you have to thank me for posting, because the recent reluctance for blogging may be because I have, somehow, taken to blogging as a form of talking to yourself. I'm not saying anything here, people out there better continue to update regularly, not follow my footsteps and think crazy thoughts. Like me.

Ballet exam:)

I hid in the cupboard until my dad left the house cos he didn't know that i wasn't going to school and i didn't want to tell him cos i didn't need to hear crap early n the morning. lame i know-.-

Met michelle, geokteng, and rachel at yewtee mac. Did some math homework while waiting for the rest to come. Had breakfast after that, chatted for awhile before leaving to buy lunch for the examiner and Ms wendy. We reached the CC at 12:) went through everything once, warmup-ed, changed and tied hair etc. I tied my own hair. how's that? It looks the same as Ms wendy's one okay:)

Nerves got the better of me during the last five minutes. Mr Lee came out cos the examiner was having her lunch. It was damn freakin' scary. I kept worrying about my stupid cracky knees. Everything in the last year (or two years), especially in the later months when ballet became almost an obsession, boiled down to here. All or nothing. luckily, I managed to see the examiner's face the day before before going to class. She looks... charming. okay, actually when I first saw her I was like "she looks kind!!" serious. Okay, so we went in. The end.

Nah. Ran in, did the usual curtsy, placed skirt at the barre...

Plies. Knee cracked twice. Have I mentioned before that I really REALLY HATE MY IRRITATING KNEE?

Calmed down after awhile, but apparently the two in front of me were scared ttm. Turned towards the barre when it was supposed to be sideways. Okay, it was scary because I looked like some loser who stood alone stoning while the two people in front of me kept turning to face the barre, then face the window, then the barre and then the window again. Though I thought the examiner was real nice. "Girls, look at me. Take a deep breath. Relax!" lol

hmm then it went fine except the room was damn cold and everytime we ended an exercise i could see my hands shaking._.

Luckily by the the time we went to centre I was enjoying myself. Well, kind of enjoying myself.

A few wrong steps expected here and there. knee cracked another time in the centre. ._.

Humph the epic thing is this. After the whole thing was over, I bent down to pick up my ballet shoes and CRACK.

It's not funny!! :(

ps and thanks to everyone who wished me good luck:)!!

2010-04-01T15:57:00.002+08:00

Morning announcements

"Good morning dear students", the principal said

"Please put down your pencils and go back to bed

Today we will spend the day playing outside,

then take the whole school on a carnival ride.

We'll learn to eat candy while watching TV,

then listen to records and swing from a tree.

We'll also be learning to draw on the walls,

to scream in the classrooms and run in the halls.

So bring in your skateboard, your scooter, your bike.

It's time to be different and do what you like.

The teachers are going to give you a rest.

You don't have to study, there won't be a test.

And, if you'd prefer, for a bit of change,

feel free to go wild and act really strange.

Go put on a clown suit and dye your hair green,

and copy your face on the Xerox machine.

Tomorrow it's back to the daily grind.

Today, just go crazy. We really don't mind.

So tear up your homework. We'll give you an 'A',

Oh wait, I'm just kidding. It's April Fool's Day."

-ken nesbitt

Nice poem? :) recovered it from one of the interesting pile of papers. This dates back to p3, I remember Mdm Gwei gave us this.

Post on ballet exam when I'm not lazy:)

Wormy Squirmy.

2010-03-29T23:29:00.002+08:00

I can't read your mind

Rounding up, there's only 14 more hours to D-day. :(

ballet exam.

squirming on my seat now.

never has this happened before.

freaking out.

can't sit still.

@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&%

Fine fine, i know i have to be calm:( can't seem to do so

so many whatifs, a million last minute questions, sudden brain freeze, momentary blackout.

Say I can do it.

sometimes I wonder if you hate me.

you know how hypocritical it is when it's almost spelled propaganda when others do it; when you do it it's perfectly normal? Life? Naivety of the mind? Or just you?

2010-03-24T23:53:00.002+08:00

Treasure every step you take.

Dance today. ji ben gong:) treasuring these limited fun practices left. Soon, it'll be YOG YOG and more YOG. No time to think of fun stuff, and learning new things. Treasure the air you breathe in:)

Weird. It isn't really my practice to judge myself, as in like consider how good I am, how far I'd go etc. So throwing the unexpected question really shook me. I was like... ?!? Seriously, don't you feel like its a little egoistic to imagine yourself at the top? Okay it's not, I mean, it can be like a goal. But answering a question? idk, I just find it real hard to say what i really think. Most of the time my brain, my thoughts and my mouth don't have any connection. I'd be debating in my head, to say or not to say for such a damn long time that when it finally comes out, it's usually shit.

tell you what. I think I need to invent a device that will help me store my wonderful thoughts when I'm bathing. somehow when I open the toilet door after bathing, every single great thought or cool thing goes POOF down the drain, with the water:(

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I ever had

Inertia - Reluctance to start or stop.

2010-03-21T02:07:00.003+08:00

Highlights of the week:

DANCE!! combined wasn't that bad (because '95 planned it!) :) YOG isn't that bad, but let's not go into detail about how I'm gonna screw the 翻s

batch outing and dinner has been fun:) we're gonna pull through this period unbroken, sure we will.

homework - almost done, left with a stupid compo titled my third eye. thanks, wjp, you've made my day. NOT :(

yay I'm getting better at fighting procrastination!

Ballet - don't know why but it's somehow worse than dance. exam's coming too:( sheesh I'm scared

PA - free flyer tickets but with crazy schedules, how are we gonna go? ends 31 march. I TELL YOU THEY DID IT ON PURPOSE SO HALF OF US WOULD NOT GO. shirt tmr, but don't know if I'm going to get it

2010-03-12T22:21:00.001+08:00

But it's just something we have no control over, and thats what destiny is.
Maybe one day we'll all wake up and this will all be a dream.

2010-03-11T00:01:00.002+08:00

ROAD RUN 2010 CANCELLED!!!~

:) or :(

you choose

kay at lest i don't have to run, but the waste of time, and the great weather and greater traffic jams? oh but then at least we know we aren't getting a drought due to el nino. is that a cause worthy of celebration?

2010-03-09T22:43:00.001+08:00

Crash diets, anyone?

Starvation? Or bulimia

2010-03-06T01:16:00.003+08:00

go ahead and leave me hanging.

but let me go soon

thanks alot for ditching me when you found your new and better friends

I know I'm useless. Go ahead and leave me

2010-03-03T22:37:00.002+08:00

If the world were a carpet, flowers would not grow

In this world of deceit and lies, who shall i trust?

Sometimes I'm so blinded

If we could all see

Or everyone were blind

But

I don't see it coming

When disaster strikes

I'm the one left

Unprepared

Once i know

I'll take a long hard look at their faces

Who do i trust?

The bond's broken

Damage's done

Nothing i can do

But recollect the past

2010-02-15T23:00:00.002+08:00

I love long bus rides. If only life was one smooth, quiet journey filled with cushiony seats and nice songs without a hitch, where time does not matter

okay random

2010-02-03T21:53:00.002+08:00

FAIL

You know how it feels like when everyone can do it except you? yeah, it's so easy, but i just can't do a split. and unlike others, i DO care. It's not the pain, it's the realization of how bad you are, how lousy you are, how you FAILED. yeah i admit i hate failure, and this is one of those times. It's like I'm a lost cause, and nothing can save me. So what if i can do stunts? ot like i'm that good anw, plus it gives everyone the worng impression that i can do anything when the very point that i can't do a simple fugging split proves that i shouldn't even be in dance. i don't deserve it. no, not at all.

2010-01-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits. - Albert Einstein

frontsomer ftw!!!:D

2010-01-16T16:09:00.002+08:00

Et je doute sans cesse, qu'on me delaisse, qu'on me deteste

Be nice. Is that too hard to ask of myself? time and time again, i fail. damn emotions. damn hatred and anger. damn them all. be nice. must I be that mean all the time?

It's back to the old days, where i questioned everything i did and said. Does life have to be this way?

Change/ i shan't flame no more. but nothing will deter me from doing what i think is right.

went to F1 pit yesterday, to help out in the chingay item yellow river for media brief. the 'croth' holders (including us) had to be dressed from top to toe in yellow. yeah like a banana:) met darly and crescent people at city hall mrt with yanting and zoe:) played with the cloth, but the costume was suffocatingly hot. luckily there was the occassional winds:) came home, and while waiting for my mum to come out of the toilet, i fell asleep. woke up at 5 to remove contacts and bathed, then dropped onto the bed again. it's the F1 pit tmr again. i wish ms wendy could change the ballet timings:(

Happiness is not a reward—it is a consequence. Suffering is not a punishment—it is a result.
- R. G. Ingersoll

2010-01-11T22:58:00.003+08:00

Let loose the veil, come out clean.

school is... horrible. still have alot of getting used to, i suppose. not only the workload, but when laoshi told us the chingay schedule, i was like *faint. i know, i know, in sec two i would be going omg i can skip school!! now just thinking of all the geniuses surrounding me prevents me from falling asleep, no matter how tired i am:( plus chinese is damn hard esp with 6 PRC scholars (yes omgwtf)

currently its just dance, school, ballet, chingay, dance school, ballet, chingay. kinda challenging, but i hope this hectic schedule will prevent me and my lazy bones from procrastinating:) I HOPE.

oh well, and then there was CCA extravaganza, which i'm very proud to say that batch '95 did all the planning:) performance was indeed a great improvement:) esp if you compare it to rehearsal or open house:D successfully did a hou fan!! on the floor!!!!!!! the ironic thing is that doing it on the trash mat is harder than on the floor-.- and front somer! i have no guts:(

ah well. apart from a few irritating i believe we could all do without (yesh i know its mean but you do agree with me deep down, don't you) life is fine. i did say apart. well even in their presence, esp the infamous cat, i suppose life will have to go on and all we have to do (easier said than done) is to find ways to trash them, shove them back into line before we all die. okay, i was exaggerating. we won't die but the future will no doubt be bleak.

I need time.

I need time!!!!

2010-01-05T21:53:00.003+08:00

one more comment and i'll smash your face

*continued from previous post*

kay i wanted to post this for a long time already, but i simply didn't have the time. every second of 2010 has been rushing rushing and more rushing. school, cca extravaganza, ballet, the list goes on.

shall start from the beginning

hmm yes. i've been wanting to talk about the top 100 countdown on 987. the top few songs were kinda expected: hits of the year like stuff by the black eyed peas and lady gaga. No. one was i gotta feeling BEP, which was duh expected. just look at the USA (billboard?) chats. 27 freakin weeks. then there was the top 10 mwn of the year. also expected results, with No 10 from singapore:) and usain bolt, with barack obama at the top. somehow i knew.

apart from the previous nyrs, i have more but i ain't gonna put everything up here. one of them, though, is to be nicer. to everything and everyone.

went to JE library on 2nd jan to plan for cca extravaganza, we finished way faster than i expected:D after that we walked to IMM to wait for Mr Png, the big hand-ed birthday boy:) the guys did wushi, smashed cake on is face etc. :)

first day of school.

306. it's the same classroom as last year's 203!! -.- isolated. i was hoping for a in the middle of the corridor kind of classroom. oh well. at least there are six dancers in 306!! :D kelly appealed in. there are also 6 PRCs.

imma loanshark yo. and yanting's the vice chair:D hahahaha. vanessa's the environment, jingwen's the CIP, ziwei's the math rep, and Kelly's the care rep:D

and our class is so different from 203:( its like super quiet and lifeless. no response, 'most everyone just kinda stone at the whiteboard. woah. scary. i wonder if it'll change once we get to know each other. but i like 306:)

stayed back to do the banners and ads, tied the banner until my fingers were injured. irritating extra comment somemore

went home after that, changed for ballet, came home and dropped onto the bed. couldn't fall asleep. don't ask me why.

today's a horror.

amath, ss, geog and ALL THREE SCIENCES in the same day. the books are so thin and light. NOT. well, at least we have to be thankful for a locker:) stayed back for cca extravaganza again, mostly completed everything:) my art sucks

i shall study hard. i shall not use the comp so often. i shall put in loads and loads of practice for ballet and not let them interfere with my wishes.

most importantly, I MUST BE NICE

2010-01-01T01:08:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

*cue fireworks and countdown and claps and cheers and screams etc*

May all your new year resolutions stick by you till the end of the year, cos, well, that's the damn hardest thing to do:) and i know you just agree with me:D i know i won't. you'll know why it's possible (not) to stick to my list when you see it.

here it is!

New year resolutions (hereafter known as nyr)

1) DO THE SPLITS. this one i swear i will do it, thanks to the pact pearlynn and i sealed:)

yeah ain't it so embarrassing to not be able to do such simple things after so many years of dance. therefore everything's gonna change in 2010

2)DISTINCTION FOR GRADE 6 BALLET! must not let anyone down, even with the sucky grouping

3) 5 A's FOR every major exam. heh far fetched but still... a person can dream, right? and i will do it.

4) LOSE WEIGHT!! not gonna elaborate else people are gonna comment

5) DO HOMEWORK!! see i told you, this one's not gonna work. okay, at most for the first term. that's it. but i will still try. to make it work, teachers might consider giving less homework. fat hope

2009-12-29T23:19:00.003+08:00

combined practice and ord (yesterday. oh i mean the day before-.-)

ord was sad. even before dance ended i alr cried. not sure why i could suddenly cry for nth. sure did scare everyone, including me. okay that's not the point.

there's no point. to know what happened during ord, you can go to so many other dancer's blogs. highlight was the chilli(!!!) and crying. chilli padi was wtf-ly hot. tried one. ate two mouthfuls and spit everything out, ran to the basin to clear my mouth and all. when i was done, i accidentally wiped my whole face with my hands. ohdfammitshit. burning face was the result five minutes later. it is so not fun. after that was the usual stuff, then the emotional and touching and inspirational speeches. which led to tears, of course. don't ask me how i felt at that time. happy sad disappointed tired. or is it everything and nothing? no sense whatsoever. never mind.

combined. better mood overall. same thing- want details, go to other people's blogs.

the end.

oh yes, ps pearlynn, the pact:) I WILL DO SPLIT(S) BY THE END OF CHINGAY (20FEB2010), and pearlynn shall do a qian fan:).

so kaypo for what? eh jlin:)

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for it to be like that. Should have known. Should have known better. What we wanted was simple. Just peace and for everyone to be happy. Underestimated the power of negative emotions, forgot how still waters run deep. How could i be so naive, and think that all was well. I'm sorry i screwed. I'm sorry i was dumb. Well i suppose we had to take chances. Sorry i chose to jump across the river, instead of walking the wrong way. Now i'm drenched. I chose the wrong path this time. Tell me the next time round

2009-12-26T00:10:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATALIE!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE:)

i don't have a wishlist, sadly.

dance in a few days, can't wait!! :) and i just realized ord clashes with ballet:( oh well. i predict a major crying session. again:)

MIA-ing till the day i decide i'm in the mood to post:) two reasons why i don't update anymore:

1) too lazy

2) someone's reading my blog. aww too bad jess

oh shutup. what do you mean how the hell did you end up there. asshole.

2009-12-12T15:06:00.002+08:00

That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me

HAPPY BIRHTDAY BRO!

Yeah i haven't been the best sister on earth but still:) hope you enjoyed yourself! well thanks alot for making me wake up at 7 in the morning just to go for the flyer. no regrets though:) spammed loads of pictures, but since the comp can't read the memory card, i guess the lovely photos will have to wait:( went for luch at suntec's subway, then went homed on the mrt. after that, he went with sean to watch planet 51. all the time there was this irritating person.

side note: i believe the name planet 51 was derived from area 51.

secretive?

Area 51 Security and Secrecy

To say access to the base is limited is an understatement. The base and its activities are highly classified. The remote location helps keep the activities figuratively under the radar, as does the proximity to the NTS. After several land seizures, the base is surrounded by thousands of acres of empty desert landscape. The Air Force has withdrawn lands from public use to help keep the base hidden from snooping eyes. For many years, observers could hike to elevated vantage points like White Sides Peak or Freedom Ridge, but the Air Force seized those lands as well. Today, the only way you'll catch a glimpse of the base in person (assuming you aren't working there) is to take the strenuous hike to the top of Tikaboo Peak, which is 26 miles from the facility.

For many years, mapmakers wouldn't include the facility on any maps. It fell within the borders of Nellis Air Force Range, but the road leading to the facility was never shown. Today, the location of the base is general knowledge, but for many years officials went to great lengths to obscure its location.

Photo courtesy of Glenn Campbell A map of the Area 51 facility

Everyone who works at Area 51, whether military or civilian, must sign an oath agreeing to keep everything a secret. Buildings at the site lack windows, preventing people from seeing anything not related to their own duties at the base. By some reports, different teams would work on similar projects at the same time, but their supervisors would keep each team ignorant of the other team's project. When testing a secret aircraft, officials ordered all uninvolved employees to stay inside until the test flight was over and the aircraft returned to its hangar.

http://science.howstuffworks.com/area-512.htm go check it out. it's so interesting. i was hooked for hours:)

Meanwhile i was at mac with yanting doing hoilday homework. gahh. yeah we're obedient students. :) after that i had to accomapny him to school for the briefing. a complete waste of time, i fll asleep halfway while the person was talking. remind me again why i am his keeper.

homed after the talk ended, then i continued with the envelops. writing the owner 8765432432456789 times is no joke. well, i get paid so i can't very well complain. humph. finished everything at 12.30am:) yay! one down, holiday homework to go:)

2009-12-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

Haha isn't this proof that harry potter beats the twilight saga hands down? :)

"The other day in English class, nobody could remember what the word imperious meant. I quickly raised me hand and explained to the class that it was just like in Harry Potter how the imperious curse controlled people, and therefor the word meant controlling. My teacher then informed us that's just one more way Harry Potter is going to help us in life, and we should all read it. MLIA."

This too:

"Today, I was at the movie theater watching New Moon. When Bella told Jacob she loved him, the old man behind me yelled "YOU TWO-TIMER!" MLIA."

hahaha i gyess I'll be hooked on MLIA for awhile. lolmg. It's really friggin hilarious. hahaha omg. thans load yvonne for introducing it to me and yanying for posting that on fb.

2009-12-08T00:13:00.003+08:00

I dreamed a dream

I had this weird dream, in which i had a pair of twin baby sisters, one younger brother and sister. in the dream, my parents were (shockingly) on agreeable terms with each other. the sad thing was that they were trying to kill us. all the children. my dad threw the babies into a canal (which looks scarily like the drain outside nanhua) -.- and then my dad tried to burn me. haha not funny. but we escaped. halfway through, my mum went mia, leaving my dad being the sole murderer. i was the one who got everything together and ran away with my bro and sis, but the twins died. then i woke up-.-

conclusion: my parent tried to kill me. wait. correction. my dad tried to kill me. hmm what if it comes true? except for the extra siblings part. one is enough.

2009-12-02T22:51:00.003+08:00

Water and the power of me:D

drat. If you get to read this post, it means that i wasn't too lazy to type everything out. gah, i'm getting lazier and lazier.

okay. i decided i shall be nice:)

(mind you i took 3 days to post this so you better read it:D)

DANCE CHALET!!

woke up at 8 on sunday morning, left for aha at pa at 12 plus. bought 1.5 litre drinks at lot1, for the bbq. met sining, misa at lavender. saw terence, the guys and crescent people at security. we missed warmups to do aha, laoshi also commented on our item. after that, we did chingay (the flag). i hope that there wouldn't be strong winds during the parade, or else it will be very difficult to handle the flag.

bathed and left for chalet with sining, misa, pearlynn, terence, jb, brandon, yuren, kevin, solo, grads and some others whom i forgot:x chalet location changed form aloha loyang to aloha changi, it was last minute. cabbed there cause it was already very late, if I'm not wrong, by the time we left it was 7+. oh btw we bathed at pa:) haha heard that there was only one pathetic toilet at chalet with so many people to share with. smart us:D

took us half an hour to reach, by then the bbq was already in full swing. before we got off the cab, the taxi driver had to tell a murder story. -.- okay it wasn't scary but whatever. and pearlynn said there were loads of transvestites in changi-.-

there were four rooms, sec1s, sec2s, sec3s, and grads. went down to the bbq pit. some were playing cards, some watching tv, others just hanging around eating. mainly, i ate marshmallows:D and a few crabsticks. oh yes, there was red wine! btw coke mixed with red wine tastes better than just coke:) brainwave by me:) then brandon decided to copy me, except he put h2o apple instead. taste was o.0. after the red wine, there was ice cream liquor but i don't like the taste of it, it's like smelling milk/ice cream, and drinking something that burns as it runs down my throat. mingled around, etcetc. then it was time to clear up. haha the power of dance:) 5 minutes and everything was done:)

after that we went in to play cards, blackjack etc. played all the way until 3 am. meanwhile, people started going to bath, and amanda, jinglin and gang went upstairs to paint their nails. haha they even helped the guys to paint (jingkai, yuren, lionel, terence etc) end result was damn gay:D no sure if there are pictures, but you can check it out on fb and the blogs. as for me, i'm just too lazy to upload them here:)

at three plus, we went out to the coffeeshop with the girls, jingkai, jian hao, solo, for food and coffee:) saw scary people-.- okay, i know i shouldn't be mean, but, seriously, tall and broad shoulders and all...

after that, we went to watch the sunrise. we were facing the wrong direction-.- we waited for quite some time, but the sky showed no signs of changing colour, so we decided to dance. halfway through, someone shouted at us. o.o we didn't know that people were staying at the sailing club just behind us. next, it started raining. hmm and we were facing the wrong direction anyway-.- rested under the shelter for awhile, then decided to go back to chalet.

it was 7+ in the morning, we were innocently sitting at the table, and that was when the horror started:D

daryl: 'want to play blackjack?'

us: 'okay. anything'

daryl: 'okay, we bet water'

die. i tell you drinking 10+ cups of water in two hours, with only one toilet break is no joke. death warning! nah, not that bad. haha at first daryl said only one toilet break. he was the dealer. after awhile, he changed the rules to two toilet breaks, cos he couldn't take it anymore:D the worst part was the aftermath. everyone was rushing to the toilet. the best part? i was last in line. but that's not the point. the point is... never mind.

after that, jinglin they all went out for breakfast, the sec3s went to www, xuanlin and her 'clique' went cycling, leaving yingpei, kelly, yanting and me to rest. (Our breakfast was water-.-)

wanted to rest, but just when i was about to fall asleep, someone woke me up. not once, not twice, but three times!! and they were all different people. after the third unsuccessful time trying to sleep, i gave up. went for lunch at ehub. met up with the rest of the people, lunched and went to the arcade. jingkai hurt his hand playing daytona. still want to shl about dota.

(all this time we were still suffering form the side effects of the water)

went back to chalet after that, --memory laspe-- oh yes, we played cards:D and then packed up and left. went for dinner at aloha changi before leaving, though. bused to tampiness interchange, took 67 home with yanting and yingpei. one interchange to another:D one and a half hours, but it means more time to sleep:D AFTER 46 HOURS OF NOT SLEEPING:D

Batch outing!!

the power of ME:D

went out with odelia before the bbq to jp for some shopping:D thought i would be late, but ended up meeting yanting, jingwen, valerie all the same:D

bused to wcp, i carried the fried rice:) set up the fire, or rather, tried to, but epic fail. haha took damn long but at last, we managed!!:D but the fire wasn't heated up enough, pus there were a few born firefighters out there, so it took al long time to cook. well. there was still food. that's the point:D hoho and yes, that's where the power of me comes in. i open all the packets and stuff. i am the scissors. it startd raining, and we packed up. then the rain stopped:X oh well. went to the pyramid, sat there and talked for awhile then homed in yingpei's car:D

the end of my fab post:D i know it's long awaited, and nobody will actually read the whole thng, but who cares? :D

I HEREBY DECLARE MY LOVE FOR NHDS BATCH 95:D

2009-11-29T08:58:00.001+08:00

Sticks and stones can't break my bones but words can break my heart

Another month and it would be half year. the importance of AYG to some people dawn on me, not suddenly, rather, i kind of suspected it all along, just that confirmation has been quite recent. therefore, it's not really surprising. ignorance fades with time. who was i trying to kid?

I've learnt so much. but sometimes, i'd rather stay in the dark. but, well, there isn't a delete/erase/clear memory button attached to the brain. yeah. just me, me and my stupid ignorant self.

/. On to Open House

can't say it was great, perfect, or anything. can't say we owned the school. no offense, but the feeling's different. or maybe it was there, just that i couldn't feel it. maybe practice wasn't enough.

still a good job done though:D * round of applause

last year, it started raining halfway when we were dancing. this year, the drizzle stopped before we went out. last year i felt the spirit, the high-ness, the strength, the togetherness, the unity.

the first performance was total crap for me. brainfreezed halfway through AYG and guo tou for the liu xing failed. the worst part was the ending pose. deja vu of the rehearsal. :( fan-ed over and flipped to the side again. ow. worst thing, though, wasn't the pain or anything. the worst thing was the indescribable feeling when you know you've screwed up. and I'm sharing centre with kelly. double attack. screwed center. just great.

luckily, the second performance went better:)

afterwards, amanda, jinglin, jingwen, yanting, ying, valerie, and i went to lot 1:) fun time there cracking lame jokes and racist ones too. ooops.

PA later, then off to chalet:) next dance practice is on 28 december. long period of (unwanted) rest:( gonna miss dance, but i'll have to start on my pile of homework which is an extreme eye irritant on the table.

2009-11-27T23:27:00.003+08:00

Freakin' Paranoid~

PLEASE DON'T LET ME SCREW TOMORROW. I'M NOT GOING TO FORGIVE MYSELF IF TOMORROW'S PERFORMANCE IS RUINED THANKS TO ME. DAMMIT/ argh gui4 fan1!!!

2009-11-26T01:15:00.002+08:00

If i see you next to never, how can we say forever?

Please don't ask me how i feel. i have no idea myself. how should i feel? how am i supposed to feel?

can you forget how to feel? i think i did, no matter how stupid or weird this might seem. i know, i haven't been one hell of a normal, sane person in the first place. now, its like I'm losing touch with this world. help. I'm mad. everything is bothering me. pissing me off, irritating the hell out of me, etc. what the hell have become of me? i don't know who i am anymore. dance provides only temporary relief. after that? i suppose i'll just have to grab at the strings in the dark then. find the light. if there is one, of course. i don't believe in anything anymore.

/. ouch my back and elbows hurt. am i going to screw again?

Slow me down - Emmy Rossum

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast forward I falter again
Forgetting to breathe
I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Pass me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down
Slow me down
Slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe
Somebody please
Slow me down

2009-11-23T00:30:00.002+08:00

When you lose grip and disconnect

Happy ending - Mika

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love[repeat]

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Shaking with fatigue, but i can't close my eyes. thoughts are haunting me. Is it plain insomnia? or the stark realization that this life's built on a stack of lies? both? perhaps. i don;t know. I'm too tired to even attempt to think. looking back, i wonder how our brains worked at the age of 6, how is such naivety possible? ignorance is bliss. but there's always a thirst to know more, it's just human nature, isn't it? On a side note, there is a fine line between thirst for knowledge and the urge to gossip. okay, enough of all this crap talk.

Dance(:

shall not post about the exact things that happened, if you want information you can go view everyone's blog. the whole week of consecutive dance practice was brilliant, on the whole. i admit, i wasn't on 100% all the time. sometimes i feel so fab that i might just fall down and die.

sidetracking: we might have missed the meteor shower, but guess what? the whole entire week of dance practice, we had 'shooting stars' in our hands! :D don't despair if you didn't get to make wishes, we can all wish/hope/pray on saturday:) good luck for open house.

i think i've managed to achieve my holiday goal of spamming dance. it is a good thing, because, when i dance, i don't have to be reminded of problems. the more drained of energy i am, the better it is. at least i don't have to bother.

thank god for NHDS, anyhow art, chingay, ballet, etc. most of all to laoshi:)

god, i can't believe i'm starting to tear at mika's happy ending and five for fighting's superman. especially the latter, the lyrics are fab. mika's a one off. i usually hate mika's songs. too cheerful for my liking. like the new one, we are golden. totally cannot stand that song. gah. speaking of which, i can't understand the big hooha about jap and korean stuff, like smds, girls generation, wondergirls, super junior etc. no, seriously. i can't actually imagine why people can become such hardcore fans. i don't know the first thing about them. -.- which leads to me being inevitably stoning whenever a convo about these celebs start in front of me. i don't mind, actually. really. come to think of it, i spend a lot of time stoning anyway, so, not much difference, is there?

I'm losing touch, losing grip of the last straw.

but to wait till i hear the promise of a lifetime,

i fear it might be too late

it's a little bit of heaven,

a little bit of hell

goodbye for now

since fate does not allow.

2009-11-18T00:11:00.002+08:00

damned blogger screwed up the format of the previous. apologies to the ugly mess:x

2009-11-17T21:41:00.003+08:00

Mo Chroi - My Love, till the next time, then

Its only a matter of time - 500 years

I for one, don't agree in the least bit that it's just like that. like that-the end. period. no. sigh. didn't get to post yesterday cos firstly, i was damn tired and thoughts were all jumbled up in my head, simply didn't have the freaking energy to attempt to organize my thoughts. secondly, there ayz was, rushing me to turn off the comp. yeah i know i should get off and sleep, what with the whole long week of dance ahead. (not that i'm complaining, of course) :D compared to hellhole, dance is pure heaven.

shit, lost all the mood to post.

alright, shall start with nicolette.

just got the (final) phone call from her. can't say i have no regrets. cos i do. thats the thing about this damned world. anyway, 'll miss you truckloads! you were there for me, but i wasn't always. :x but now's not the time for regrets. i'll remember the great times. bon voyage! love you!

it's like i'm blind. what charlene said was true love IS blind. i've learnt to see past the flaws since, but you, of all people should know that time is needed. for now, the status still stays. but i should have known. how could i be so stupid? and i thought you were different. too naive, i thought wrong. just the stereotyped. sigh.

feeling lonely, left out, does not necessarily means that you are literally alone.

Sticks and stones are hard on bones

Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart.
~Phyllis McGinley, "Ballade of Lost Objects," 1954

not as in really silence, though. the whole world may be buzzing with noise, laughter, chatters, filling up the void of the background, and you can still feel alone. i hope nobody needs to feel this kind of ache, ever.

i changed, i forgot to tell you.

do i care? must i care? why do i care? hello, the last time i heard, thins went two way. both ways, geddit? i'm tired of trying to seondguess everyone's move, trying to stand in other's shoes and look through their eyes, what they think. all this guessing, all this being nice, all this controlling, i have alot more to do. my life is complicated. more so than you ever thought. but you don't know that, do you? i don't care. what will we get in return? secondguessing, it's driving me crazy. things in the hellhole already aren't good. all this, all this nonsense and shit, i'm gonna lose my sanity. help!

if you were thinking, yeah, it's because of you

because of you - kelly clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did

 You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

 Because of you

I will never stray too far from the sidewalk

 Because of you

 I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust

Not only me, but everyone around me

 Because of you

I am afraid

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

 I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh

Every day of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you

I will never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

 Because of you

I find it hard to trust

Not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

 I am afraid

I watched you die

I heard you cry

Every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry

In the middle of the night

 For the same damn thing

 Because of you

I will never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of you

I tried my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

 I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

 I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

 Because of you  I am afraid

Because of you

Because of you

2009-11-15T01:57:00.002+08:00

My heart can't possibly break, when it wasn't even whole to start with - kelly clarkson's because of you

Damn i gotta meet the batch at 9.30 at cck station and I'm still awake. take a look at the awesome time. i guess my friends are correct, i'm a crazy mad psycho. nice one. doubt i've learnt my lesson from today's experience. was supposed to meet justina at bt timah. suggested time: 10+ time i woke up: 11.30. imagine the shock. i fumbled for my phone and took one look at the time and went WTF! seriously, gosh, i thought the max time i could sleep until was 10+. horror of horrors. :x luckily justina's the kind of person who's used to people being (extremely) late. sorry anw. went off to the gym, did 2.4 and felt like dying already. shit, where'd my stamina go to? argh. will have to retrain everything from scratch. :( but i promise myself that i will do next year's 2.4 under 10 minutes.

then we waited for yujia to come, after which we went to ion. wow uniqlo. bought a shirt there. i cannot believe i can get something (apart form food) that's under 10. steal. yay shopping. :D when the going get;s tough, the tough goes shopping. give me retail therapy anytime.

little surprises are always nice, they make someone's day:)

you don't know everything thats happening. sometimes, a little extra detail can set people off and there they go, where curiosity got the cat. yeah, they go hunting everywhere in hope for a juicy piece of new gossip. poking their noses into where they shouldn't. yes, humans can't help but gossip. is that our nature? don't you know - you, of all people - that gossip can hurt others beyond imagination? apparently not. sigh. the hypocrisy in all this is that people say ignorance is bliss. well, i don't think you heard alot about this, have you? i'm telling you now. what you do not know will not hurt you. don't go biting off more than you can chew, it'll only land you in deep waters.

2009-11-12T14:12:00.004+08:00

11 November 2009

It's not easy, mistakes

Superman by five for fighting

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird...i'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd...but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It's all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy...or anything...

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
I'm only a man
Looking for a dream

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it's not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me

I don't know where to start. so many things, new discoveries and findings, new light, hope, especially towards the end of the day. to (try to) avoid leaving anything out, i shall blog in chronological order, as usual.

slept at after one the night before, cos i couldn't fall asleep. excitement, i suppose. the night before a long awaited dance practice or performance, i get so hyped up that i can never get a whole night's rest. woke up at six the next morning, rushed round and met rachel at mac. managed to escape the house with hone with me. don't ask. long story.

bro arrived ten minutes after she left, went to mac for breakfast. bad way to start a dance day, i swear you can totally see the horryfying amount of oil (or butter as my bro claims) on the muffin. after that, read for about an hour before taking the train to meet jinglin at clementi. went to subway cos she wanted to have her breakfast, then i helped her tie hair. waited for ages, finally on our way to dance.

Dance.

started off with run:) laoshi's smile is magical. his very presence will make me happy. smiles are important, they can make my day so. sadly i'm not really one of a smiler. a smile a day keeps the hurt at bay.

some sec1s, not from dance, were there to increase the numbers for YOG. though it would help immensely if they learnt some bloody manners and basic respect. learnt diao yu, linked to mext year's performance. argh can't seem to get the hang of it. if there were to be auditions for this performance, i'm gonna be like the first one out.

next was lunch. thankfully, the new addition left. after lunch was rest and the usual stuff until laoshi came back. ps weiwen made us laugh instead of sleep. his stories are simply hilarious, down to the way he says them. then, we did open house. clean forgotten everything ooops:x finished the dance, debriefed, light pumping, dismissed. left for pa with sining, misa, pearlynn, terence, yuren, brendon, kevin and jianbin. darly was with us too. before that, though, we went to some marketplace at clementi to have dinner. daryl's nice, despite some immature comments.:) i'm trying hard to not get swayed by other people's comments and what they think. peer pressure and such. enough lessons learnt about how these won't get me anywhere good, not at all. anyway, lousy attempt of mine to drown the entire bottle of water and claiming i wasn't hungry, really (but it's true!) didn't deter pearlynn from making me eat. dang, i hate it when i'm short on cash. train-ed to lavender. i really treasure and enjoy conversations like that, somehow there is much light shed and we seem o get to the root of the problem, and at least manage to find/brainstorm a suitable solution for the situation. or is this just me? maybe it is, probably form having endless useless discussions with AAs who can't stop bickering over miniscule notions all the time instead of looking at the big picture. sigh.

did i mention that we were horrendoulsy late? apologies to everyone waiting for us:x

anyway, newfound love for the trampoline! :D love the adreline rush when i'm shooting skywards, love the apprehensive feeling i get when i'm about to land.

train-ed home, another light shedding (not exactly for us) throughout the journey. i never knew that people felt the way i did, cos many of whom i hang out with seem to always think i'm some sadist freak interested in machoism.

*Lesson 1) I have near zilch tolerance foe tardiness, therefore, obviously my patience would be unheard of too.

*Lesson 2) I have my limit, step over the line, and bang, you're dead.

*Lesson 3) Sometimes, people don't always act how they feel.

*Lesson 5) humans have feelings, after all. no matter how good they hide it (me included)

*Lesson 6) for the millionth time, i ain't a freaking slave/maid whatever. how naive of me to think that this sort of treatment would be confined to the four walls. well, i was wrong. bloody have some manners of you want favours, thanks. I don't belong to anyone, i'm no personal slave. last straw, i'm warning you.

everyone says their actions are for the best of everyone. how many actually mean it? who has ulterior motives behind every action, every move? look and choose carefully, for looks can be deceiving, so never judge a book by it's cover.

this was supposed to be a ranting post (again) but i decided that i'll be better off if i don't complain about every little detail. therefore i shall not elaborate on what i saw when i came home. don't need to explain here that it's bad. deja vu.

blogging gets things off my chest. i have to spam my endless thoughts here, with less care than in real life about what i decide to say, cos, afterall, it's my place. don't like it? no sweat. just leave. hopefully i don't hurt anyone (unintentionally or not)

Time is ticking, focus now.

2009-11-08T22:15:00.002+08:00

A kite tied down cannot run with the wind

now look right here. I'm not your keeper. I'm not your slave or maid employed to pick up after you. I'm not at your beck and call. I have a life.

I'm the biggest meano in the world. here's announcing it for everyone to see. imma self centered bitch who doesn't give a toss about others. be around with me long enough and you'll soon find out yourself what i mean. but if you don't want to get hurt, i suggest you stay clear away from me. I'm EVIL.

You don't have to take it all out on innocent people. yes you identify yourself as a victim. you can just scream at that asshole yourself. just don't get killed. don't shoot your mouth off about everyone not caring, everyone not doing anything etc. I think i should be the one saying that.

I suppose you can blame my family if you must, but i've come to the conclusion that i am mean, not by influence. just born mean. with this completely evil personality that seeks to find the worst in people. so, like i did already warn you, don't come close.

stop thinking you can take on the world with your childish dreams. yeah i know you wanna prove yourself, but at least try to do that without losing face, will you?

I hope i'll die sooner so that this will come to an end. all that stuff about cherishing life, i don't understand. on one hand, they say cherish life, life is short, too man opportunities etcetc. on the other hand, there are sayings that go life isn't a bed of roses, life is like a bowl of cherries, and mr chan's favourite, life is like a coin. okay, i know some of these aren't exactly pessimistic, nor are they optimistic words. Rather, they're realistic. You know, i seriously wonder what happens after death. all the talk about life after death? well, so many variations, which one is true?

i wanted the best for you, yet all i get in? you biting my head off with those hurtful remarks. i don't know what you think, and i'm giving up caring soon. i know i've said this a million times before that i don't care anymore, ain't not giving a toss about what happens to you, but truth is that i can't bear to see you get hurt or bullied. sadly, all that i'vearttempted is in vain, or so it seems. i'm gonna give up, but I'm tied down.

don't you realize by now that you aren't the only victim?

2009-11-06T00:39:00.002+08:00

I MISS DANCE!!! :(

do you know how boring it gets with nothing to do at home? and i can't go out either cos my wallet, pocket or whatever, it's all EMPTY! gah, irritating:x how the hell do you find things to do to occupy the whole time (about 12 hours?) at home? like, how long can i read, stare at the computer, sleep? rawr. maybe i should take up watching the telly. might help to kill time, but there's the weird relationship i have with useless, boring, crap television programs showing nowadays. i can't get what's so interesting about seeing stars on talk shows and those stupid variety shows that embarrass stars and make them share their secrets or something equally dumb. o.o i know i'm offending lots of peers out there *ducks blows and kicks form korean and jap fans* oops:x

spent the day sleeping, literary. didn't go out cos it was raining (yeah, horrid weather adds to increasing frustration) so woke up, ate, read newspaper, read the last empress (not yet done), slept again (see how incredibly lazy i get), got up, read again, continued reading blahblah. sighs dramatically.

when there was school, everyone couldn't wait for the holidays to come quicker. now that the holidays have set in, everyone wishes they were back at school again. me included. wow~ i should start researching on how fickle minded humans are.

*oh i forgot, maybe holiday homework would help. but not like i am gonna do them anytime soon.*

please let the dates fly past so that dance will come faster.

2009-11-04T18:36:00.004+08:00

Sorry

14 year old charged with murder of 4 year old. what a great world we live in.

2009-11-03T23:02:00.002+08:00

Man is imperfect, or so people say.

what i like to think is that the people who say this are, of course, famous (probably filthy rich) people. Therefore, my (childish or not) conclusion is that they say this to make the normal civillians (us) feel better because we haven't done anything great or frightfully exciting in our lives, such as inventing light bulbs or flying the fist plane.

everyone as their own flaws, yes, but why do some people become rich millionaires and famous while others are constantly broke with dysfunctional families? (insert god is fair here). me thinks the world is made up of five groups of people, of which one can belong to more than one group.

the first is the rich group. this means that their parents own mansions, which, coincidentally, contains about 40 maids to run the house, and own about 7 cars or more, one for each day of the week. something like that. maybe not as exaggerated as that, on a smaller scale probably. still, you get what i mean, don't you? children sent to posh schools, to be groomed to be the next prince or princess or a what do they call that? ah yes, prodigy. oh, did i mention that the children are almost always certain that they would inherit millions when their parents die? (sorry, can't help being mean)

the second group would be the opposite of the first group. that would be the families constantly broke, not enough money to buy basic necessities such as clothes and food, parent(s) constantly unemployed or in and out of jail etc.

the third group would be the happy group. no, they do not have to be constantly happy. people in this group means that they are contented with life, with what they have, be it jobs, children, or whatever.

the fourth group would be that of the unsatisfied. you know, those who constantly wished things were better, god wasn't kind, boss sucked, lousy house with dripping taps and leaking roofs and what nots. nope, this group of people don't necessarily have to be poor. they might be billionaires, as long as they are not contented with their current life.

now the last group is the in the middle group. I suppose most people would be in this group. average income, average level of dissatisfaction with life, blahblahblah.

yadayada. after all the crap about the five groups, i actually forgot what my main point was. wtf. stm-.- sorry

anw, just ask yourself which one are you and try to find the balance in life. the buddha once said: the middle path. when the string is too tight, the instrument can't play. similarly, when the string is too loose, no sound will be made. when the tension (?) is just right, the instrument will be able to perform its duties.

back to success. (o.o look at how much i sidetracked)

hmph, people who manage to succeed in life on their own are truly admirable people. as in, they don't make use of their parent's fame or money, just sheer, pure talent and of course, confidence. *marvels at people who are full of self confidence.* think about it. confidence is needed to do public speaking. you need confidence to meet people you've never known. most of all, you need confidence to believe in your beliefs and doubt your doubts.

hey, i like the sound of that. ah yes, got it from zoe's blog. oops. sorry:x

rawr, you know what? what i actually wanted to rant about has become a shitty post about rubbish that nobody would, and should want to read. oh well, result of boredom. kay, shan't bother to try to make people understand the whole pile of crap up there. i sound kinda like a motivational speaker when what i need is precisely one. argh,

anyway, going to watch my sister's keeper (again! yes i know) with the gang. even though it's a horribly sad story, i bet you a hundred bucks that i'm gonna cheer up at the sight of them. as always:D especially considering that i've become the newly appointed slave in this hellhole of a house. tomorrow would be so much of a great change. looking forward enormously to it:) oh and all the other outings soon to come in the near future as well.

ever want to know what being used feels like? come stand in my shoes.

2009-11-02T13:45:00.002+08:00

If i had a choice of where i could die, I’d choose some exotic place like the Bermuda triangle or a black hole or something. (not that I can actually find a black hole or anything, but, hey, a person can dream) there’s this sudden craving of mine to know what it’s like do die, what happens after that, etc. at least, death would be a one off experience. what if i don't actually die or anything? what if there's this whole new world that the 'dead' go to? i mean, the spirit leaves the soul, leaving the useless lump of a body there, and then goes off to someplace new and exotic? if one were a believer of God, then she would be going to paradise. if one were a buddhist, he would be in a place like paradise, except it's a different word called xi1 fang1 ji2 le4 shi4 jie4. but if one were to bean atheist, then where would i go? what will happen? since no religion is involved, or at least the person doesn't believe in any, then what will happen? there wouldn't be anything to look forward to, would it? therefore, the only way to know exactly what happens and which religion is true, would be to actually die and get there to see for yourself. and that, i what i would like to do. kidding.

enough of death for now.

2009-10-30T22:41:00.002+08:00

203'09, always and forever

hmm no idea where to start. okay, chronological order.

reached school at around 6.45 to meet justina to pack the cookies stayed u till 12+ to finish the baking and cards, almost couldn't wake up in time today. hmm then ran to the mrt station, managed to catch the 6.10 train. (why am i going into such details?) packed the cookies outside the class until the damned morning assembly bell started ringing. we managed to finish packing though:) [sorry people who got broken or hard cookies :x] hilarious someone walked past haha

next we went to the hall for assembly, Dr Foo's leaving:( almost lost control when they played the numerous videos, the combinations of those cherished memories and the very sad music.

oh well, good luck, Dr Foo, in your future endeavors:) 41 clementi avenue 1 will miss you.

went up and down with dear tina in search of ding. ah. finally found her at the parade square. oh we ran up and down and up and down and up and down... well you get what i mean.

before this somewhere we got back report books. what can i say? not satisfied? sucky shit. then again i never was.

5a2's, 2B3's, 1B4.sigh, the value of one mark. 74, 74, 74, 69. wth. no A1's. how irritating. no perfect scores anymore. it's all going, quote, down down down down down. 5 pathetic A's and i don't see an A1. wth. used to be 5A1's and two C's. i know the gap's huge, but then. argh.

Hort park

boring hell, i'm going again this sunday, for precisely the same reasons: see the exhibits which do not, in the least, interest me. no offense.

hehe but the playgrounds do:) picked random playgrounds, took photos (hey, it's the last day, freeze those precious memories!) heh but i'll have to admit, i got kinda left out, or maybe it was both ways, so ended up going with 207 people again. thanks yvonne:)

oh and i saw odelia!! :D at first there was this whole mass of bbss students walking past, and when i saw it, it reminded me of odelia. hee and the funny thing was that i turned to jus, who was beside me, and i said 'i want to see my friend'. then lo and behold there ode appears. miss her so much. after awhile, it started raining. blah blah. stop it with yk okay, hui si. else... well, you know your hair's all gonna drop out sooner or later.

after that i forgot what happened, memory lapse till the soaking part. well, the rain was horrendously heavy, and we had no umbrella. due to some misunderstandings(?) we ended up in the rain.

rain beating down

water gushing down my back

perfect time for tears to flow

cos you couldn't differentiate between water and tears

it's all the same

blinding

blurring the end of the journey

god, i fell in love with the rain today (okay, sorry, random. the poem was too)

reached school after eternity in the freezing bus. what did you expect? soaking, dripping, freakin wet, but yay:D

nicolette's little token was sitting on my table. aww so sweet. went home (alone, shamefully) sat around doing nothing, went out to buy stuff yadayadayada.

Nicolette:

hello:) love you loads. take care when you go to aust kay? i will miss you truckloads, and my partner in dance. gone. *sobs. words cannot express how i feel, even if i write here 'i love you, i miss you' a thousand times. sigh. bon voyage!

203:

don't know what to say, actually. i know i was one of those 'invisibles' for much of the past two school years. still, we are unique, what with chasing everyone (teachers) away, and isolation on 4th floor. 40/42 pieces of a puzzle fitting together perfectly to form a beautiful picture.

2010=new classes, new friends, new books, new people, new teachers. BUT the memories will bind us together, a special blend of 40/42 charming human beans, effectively making up 203

merciless. the sun is shining everyday, but it's far away.

2009-10-29T23:45:00.002+08:00

Time passes, but the memories will not fade

had inline skating yesterday. it was okay, except at one point of time one of the wheels came off. not funny okay wanqing:) today was a blur. spamming of ice cream and nice class video with credits to jiayun, zhimin and yanting, i think. :x sigh, time really does fly, tmr's the last day of school already. wonder what will happen. oh man, i got into subject code 202, meaning triple science and elec geog. oh man. i dont want it. even though it's my first choice. so typical of me to do things like that. well, what's done is done, i shall work hard and not go change subject code. save the school trouble, and myself, of course. i only have myself to blame if i die next year, but thats far away (the key word here is next YEAR).

time flies, it's the last day of school in the blink of an eye. four months have past since 29062009. since then, many things have happened, many of which impacted our lives greatly. nevertheless, the inaugural AYG opening ceremony will take its place as one of the key events/happenings that happened in my life.

"once in a lifetime, do your best"

and there's yog coming up next. i wonder what's going to happen. nothing's absolute just yet. we'll just have to wait.

please gimme one chance to not screw things, thanks

2009-10-28T22:14:00.002+08:00

"If you bring forth what is within you what is within you will save you. If you don't bring forth what is within you what is within you will destroy you."

"know that i must pass this test

so just pull the trigger

say a prayer"

bastards aren't worth my anger and hate, they don't deserve it. that goes for them ass'oles too. btw detach-ing works real well.

2009-10-27T00:12:00.002+08:00

Cry, may God have mercy on your tears

wanna know a secret?

don't belong. not really anyway, cos too much time is spent running around pleasing people. sadly, plans backfire and I've only got my stupid self to blame. nobody left. why would they care anyway?

there but not really there. existing, but not living.

oh anw my sister's keeper is a damn good story, it'll make you cry for hours. who cares what the dumb critics say about it being fake. okay, i know the acting wasn't perfect and the starting was abit rubbishy, but still... i'll gladly watch it a million times and cry. sigh

oh so you think you know a whole lot, do you? i betcha don't have an inkling of how i feel, assholes. what, i expected wayyyy more than this. cos I'm disappointed. after all, i did try and i did do my best. you don't know cos you didn't even give a toss about any of it.

yeah yeah, call me a failure or whatever. i don't actually have to care. failure is one of my specialitis, if you are too dense to realise by now. after all, looking back at all i've tried to do, none of it has been a success. i suppose you're happy i admit thins fact, don't you? whatever, i ain't not giving a damn about what you say, think or do. none of my effing business!

end of the school, a few more days to go now. yet, i'm indifferent. guess i've never been one who has much feelings. imma hardened bitch, don't expect me to care. blame the surroundings and my view of life then. i'm jst warning you not to get involved with people like me.

loser and bound for the road to failure sometime or another.

love you always

2009-10-24T10:39:00.001+08:00

Restless pissed angry upset disappointed irritated.

Whatever~

bloody bastards

2009-10-23T22:52:00.003+08:00

A coin has two sides

hello, my name is Screwed. seems like the future before me is set straight, straight downwards. sigh. but well, i did prepare myself for regrets, did i not? each time the blow comes, it's too much for me to bear. yeah i'm weak, that's a fact. damn and i did study. it sucks when you have expectations that were WAY higher than actual results.

no mood

freakin headstands ftw.

similarly, life has its good and bad. all depends on whether you manage to catch the silver lining in a cloud or find the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow

/. edit

oh yes, forgot to mention the dreaded topic of subject combination. it's extremely draining. sigh.

2009-10-22T22:09:00.004+08:00

happiness?

well i guess they made the right choice. i'm selfish, jealous, mean, and above all, evil. so. suppose i can't actually blame others. it's just me. what the hell is wrong with me? i shouldn't be feeling this way. no, not at all. what kind of a friend am i? what kind of a loser freak am i? so what if i wasn't the chosen ones? so what? it just goes to show that i'm not good enough, and i shouldn't envy. now i know, made the right choice. after all, i admit i'm anti social (well, kind of) and i don't suppose i'll ever get around to speaking in front of a crowd, will i? seeing as i suck at oral. and oral is one to one. sigh. i hate this feeling. should be happy. argh. but how?

then theres results to speak of. they're not great, but right now i don't seem to give a damn. maybe it's all reeling in my head, i can't really seem to get things in. i know that once reality sinks in i will cry. again. me and my lousy moods shall come back to haunt. gonna get back the rest of the results again tomorrow. sigh.

right now, nothing seems to go right. pray that it'll be better soon. people say i shouldn't be upset. then what do you want me to be? act crazed and go mental and be over-high all the time? btw it's me not you, so you don't have no right to command me to be happy or sad. not like i care in the least anyway. am cannot stand it. just some idiotic freak who hates her friends. :( confused and dumb. and a complete evil asshole, i may add. yeah well, that's me, and i'm TRYING to change. evil bastard. thats me. i have issues. i don't care.

what the hell am i going on about?

dance tomorrow. finally. time to get back in shape.

time to let go of everything, worries and frustrations, and concentrate on the one thing i love. but suck at